“I’m doing better than I ever was…”
Brownie points to whomever knows what song that line comes from! Hint: the album came out in November.
In the past when I havent been posting as much it’s been because I havent been doing well, and my frequency of writing reflects that. But I actually have been doing well lately, and I am still writing. I’ve actually been writing a book! It has been taking up most of my spare time this past month or so, which is why I havent been posting.
But things have been going well. I started seeing a new therapist, and discovered I have been misdiagnosed. I am not ready to share my possible new diagnosis, but it has brough clarity and peace. As well as new treatment: new medications and new methods of coping.
It’s strange, because I’ve never felt this way before. I wonder if this is what other people feel like on the day to day. It’s a sense of contentment. Ease. Clarity.
Its only been a couple months, but the differences are life altering. Quite literally.
Being in such a stable place emotionally means I’m prepared to begin trauma therapy.
I’ve never been this optimistic about the future. I used to see trauma as Frodo Baggins does, a kind of scar that never really heals, but lately I’ve learned truths that have shown me trauma is possible to heal from, completely heal. My trauma may have changed me and my perspective, but I’ve had a glimpse of hope that the part of me I thought was stolen and lost, is still there, and can be recovered.
I believe now that while experiences can change us, they do not have to define us.
And with this perspective, I am ready to stop letting my trauma define me, and take back what was stolen from me 4 years ago.