October and November have the power to bring to my recollection things I mostly succeed at forgetting the rest of the year. But this year is different, because I am prepared.

I can’t escape October, it comes every year. It will never not come. The memories are associated with this month, and my mind has created permanent neurological connections that I cannot undo. But, what I can do is take control of the recollections.

This year I decided to think about those memories on my own. To choose to bring out those files from my mind before they had the chance to come out without my consent.

When I did this I discovered new things about myself. And I discovered how far I’ve really come after my two years of trauma therapy, including how little those memories come to my mind now.

And I have one thing to say to my Trauma: “I forgot that you existed. I thought that it would kill me but it didn’t. And it was so nice, so peaceful and quiet. I forgot that you existed. It isn’t love it isn’t hate it’s just indifference.” -Taylor Swift