The thing above love, marriage, and the baby carriage
Ok, sorry for the misleading title, but while this post is about love and marriage it actually has nothing to do with a baby carriage. Or babies. Alright, now that that’s out of the way…
“Falling in love.”
It’s the lie we’ve been fed since we were young. We’re told love is a noun that can be fallen into and out of.
But that is simply not true.
Love is a VERB.
And the simple knowledge that love is a verb can be the difference between a marriage that’s lasting, and a marriage that shatters.
There are very few things in marriage more frightening than the prospect that you might someday fall out of love with your spouse. It’s the nightmare you read about in blogs and overhear about in Pilates class. The man who cheats because he “just doesn’t love his wife anymore,” and the couple who get a divorce because “the romance is gone.”
But here’s the thing, you don’t have to be afraid of that, because it is totally 100% in your control.
The feeling of love only fades when you stop loving. When you stop doing the little things. When you stop serving. When you stop communicating your deepest thoughts.
Yes, there are situations when one spouse becomes someone they weren’t before, and that person treats the other spouse with disrespect (example: the cheating husband.) Then your attempts to love that person might prove futile. There are plenty of legitimate reasons for ending a marriage. But I’m not talking about that. I’m not saying you should stick out an abusive or harmful or unhealthy relationship. Not by any means.
No. I’m talking about the marriages where both spouses are still decent human beings but one or both forget to LOVE each other. Who think the fading feelings of affection are caused by some outside force willing them to be or not be in love. Who think of past loves and wonder why their marriage doesn’t spark like that relationship did.
And who can really blame them? The world tells them, “oh yea, you can’t help that you fell out of love. It’s how you feel. Better not to give them false hope and just end it now.”
But it’s all one big lie!
Love isn’t a spark. Love can create sparks. Love isn’t an emotion. It creates emotion –joy and sorrow. Love isn’t passive. It’s active.
Love isn’t a noun. It’s a VERB.